Question—– 4.1 Radical Rewrite: Information E-Mail—Negative Announcement The

Question—–
4.1 Radical Rewrite: Information E-Mail—Negative Announcement
The attached wordy, inefficient, and disorganized message invites department managers to three interviewing sessions to select student interns. However, to be effective, this message desperately needs a radical rewrite.
Your Task. Study the message and list at least five weaknesses. Then revise to avoid excessive wordiness and repetition. Also, think about how to develop an upbeat tone and improve readability. Can you condense this sloppy 14-sentence message into 6 efficient sentences plus a list—and still convey all the necessary information?Criteria
Attached File—–
To: Management Staff
From: Nathan Weintraub
Subject: Interns
Staff:
As you may be aware, we have for the past year been considering changing our approach to interns. Your management council recently made a decision to offer compensation to the interns in our internship program because we learned that in two fields (computer science and information systems) interns are usually paid, which is the norm. However, we will be unable to offer any more than three internships.
In collaboration with our nearby college, we have narrowed the field to six excellent candidates. These six candidates will be interviewed. This is to inform you that you are required to attend three interviewing sessions for these student candidates. Your presence is needed at these sessions to help us avoid making poor selections.
You should mark your calendars for the following three times. We are scheduling the first set of interviews for April 5 to meet in the conference room. Please examine all the candidates’ résumés, which are attached, and send me your ranking lists.
The second interviewing session is scheduled for April 8 in Office 22 (the conference room was already scheduled). On April 11 we can finish up in the conference room. All of the meetings will start at 2 p.m. In view of the fact that your projects need fresh ideas and talented new team members, I should not have to urge you to attend and be well prepared.
Nathan Weintraub
Director, Human Resources
Rubric—–
Excellent
Good
Fair
Poor
Criterion Score
Information
15 points
Assignment has all the requested information: answered all the questions related with the topic
12 points
Assignment has almost all the requested information: some of the questions are not shown or answered
10.5 points
Assignment has little of the requested information: several questions are not answered; missing no more than half the information
5.5 points
Assignment does not have the requested information
Score of Information,
/ 15
Follow Guidelines and Directions
15 points
Assignment follows all designated guidelines
Citations and references are used appropriately
12 points
Assignment follows most guidelines
Assignment provides citations, but they are incorrectly prepared
Assignment provides reference list, with some errors or omissions
10.5 points
Assignment follows some guidelines
Assignment lacks many elements of correct formatting and citation
Does not contain clear margins
5.5 points
Paper does not follow guidelines
Too short/long and isolated sentences
Score of Follow Guidelines and Directions,
/ 15
Organization and Structure
10 points
Structure is clear and easy to follow
Introduction provides sufficient background on the topic and previews major points
Paragraph transitions are logical and there is a good use of connectors
Conclusion is logical and flows from the body of the assignment
8 points
Structure is not easy to follow
Introduction is missing or, if provided, does not preview major points
Paragraph transitions need improvement
Conclusion is missing, or if provided, does not flow from the body of the assignment
7 points
Organization and structure detract from the message of the writer
Introduction and/or conclusion is missing
Paragraphs are disjointed and lack transition of thoughts
There are few connectors
4 points
Very unclear. It does not make sense
Score of Organization and Structure,
/ 10
Grammar, Punctuation, and Spelling
10 points
Rules of grammar, usage, and punctuation are followed; spelling is correct. Paper contains no more than 3 errors
Language is clear and precise; sentences display consistently strong, varied structure
8 points
Assignment contains 4-6 grammatical, punctuation and spelling errors
Language lacks clarity
Sentences simple and not specific vocabulary
7 points
Assignment contains 7 or more grammatical, punctuation, and spelling errors
Language uses a conversational register
4 points
Very difficult to read due to mistakes